It's Okay To Be Single
Apostle Paul penned the words, "If you do not have a wife, do not seek to get married" (1 Corinthians 7:27). He was onto something. In this day and age, we look on Instagram and see couples getting engaged, others having children, and posting family vacation videos. The list goes on. Do you feel like you're missing out? Welcome to the club. We've all felt that way. "Time is ticking; I need to get married as soon as possible. What will my friends, family, lawyer, barber, that TikTok YouTuber from Paris, and my uncle's cat think about me if I'm not married?" Our thoughts cut to the heart. We feel defeated, afraid, and alone. That's right, alone. We try to avoid being alone at all costs. We numb out with social media, news, Twitter, YouTube, Instagram, and the cycle restarts again.
God didn't make us to be alone. He created us with interrelationships. He created us to connect. We're not meant to do ministry alone. That's not healthy. We're to share this life with others. Mother Teresa put it this way:
"I still think that the greatest suffering is being lonely." But waiting to get married as if that's the rapture from our lustful desires is a false view of marriage.
God made male and female, and we attract. This is normal, healthy, and wonderful. But to overstep the boundary and desire it so much only leads to depression, false expectations, and shattered hope. It's called covetousness. Or lust.
God speaks through Apostle Paul on the subject of contentment: "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances" (Philippians 4:11).
Here comes the honest truth. Often, I went on mission trips deep inside my soul, hoping I'd meet "the one" and finally get my life together. I believed that if I found the right person, I'd finally be happy. Even a leader in my ministry remarked, "A wife will solve all your problems," half-jokingly. I understand what he is saying, but at the end of the day, I'm responsible for my actions. Whether or not I have a wife, I carry my responsibilities as a man individually.
I have tried time and again to click, get the one, start dating, mingle, and hope for the best. But time and again, I came out below expectations. It didn't work out; we had different visions, got too busy, they weren't interested, weren't mature enough, or I wasn't attracted to them; the list goes on. For a long time, I felt second-class if I wasn't married. But my beliefs recently changed.
I've read John Wesley's Thoughts on a Single Life multiple times, and I get something new out of it every time. He makes great points. A man (or woman) can fully dedicate his time to loving God and serving Him while single. He doesn't have to deal with serving a wife but is solely focused on loving God. I get to take pleasure in the Holy Spirit! There is no need to attend to family matters, nor is there the risk of having children who will rebel against God. "If your servants are wicked, you may put them away, and your relation to them ceases. But what could you do with a wicked son or daughter? How could you dissolve that relation?" Wesley points out.
Statement after statement, he makes valid points. The man lived to 87 years old and had great men surrounding him on his deathbed. Separation from his wife was his only flaw, as some of the men of that time said of him. The man was an example to many and continues to be so after centuries, living a life surrendered to the Lord.
Jesus stated, "For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it" (Matthew 19:12).
Wesley takes the gift of singleness to a level, expressing, "Every man is able to receive it when justified. I believe everyone receives this gift. But with most, it does not continue long."
What I am not saying is that I am discouraging anyone from marriage. Marriage is a wonderful union created by God Himself. "Children are a heritage from the Lord" (Psalms 127:3). If you are married, have children, or both, this may not be the blog for you. This is for those in their singleness, which is a gift from God.
Sometimes I'd hear that if I have children, they'll take care of me in my old age. I disagree politely; God will take care of me in my old age. For the last 31 years, the Lord has kept me; I trust Him with the next years. My 90-year-old grandpa said to me the other day, "What will you do if you don't have kids when you're my age?" He referred to living the last years of my life in a retirement center. I jokingly said, "I'll play chess." But on a serious note, some men and women have a more fulfilled life than those with families. In fact, many families I know have children who have left them and live in other countries; they hardly communicate.
On the flip side, a great example of a woman living in a retirement home is a pen pal to prisoners in jail. She writes to dozens of inmates and encourages them with her letters containing God's word. What I am trying to say is that "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself" (Matthew 6:34). The Lord will take care of our future as He has taken care of our past.
Parents try to pressure their children to get married, start a family, and have children. If that floats your boat, that's great. We have different callings, and the Lord blesses us regardless. I choose to be content where I am. If I get married, fine. If I do not, I will be okay for the rest of my life. Sex is optional, not mandatory. A man won't dry up if he doesn't marry. And a life of intimacy won't cure the unwanted sexual behavior that you've been trying to avoid either. Listen, many men have tried getting married, falsely believing that their lustful cravings would disappear, but they only brought that unwanted sexual sin into the marriage, defiled their marriage, and now live worse off than before. Let's live wisely and deal with issues rooted deep in our hearts from past hurts and traumas, and surrender them to Jesus now. "Now is the accepted time" (2 Corinthians 6:2). Whether I jump into a committed relationship or not, I want to be a blessing to my future wife if I do decide to get married. I will use my single life to grow in patience, love, service, honesty, and experiencing God's grace. But as of now, I am choosing this single life.
Let's wrap up now. Single life on the mission field is great. I get to preach in many countries and travel on my own schedule. I love it. I'm done with falsely believing that every young lady's eyes that meet mine, paired with a smile, is my soulmate. That's not how things work. I want to keep serving Jesus. I want to see souls saved. I desire to follow in the footsteps of Jesus. And if I don't get married, I'll be okay. Or if I do, I rejoice too. I choose to be content in all circumstances. If you are single, even for this season, you'll be okay. God's got this. Trust Him.
