How to Overcome Porn
“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” - James 5:16
A Pandemic of the Mind
There’s a silent pandemic spreading across the globe, and it’s not a virus. It’s pornography. It’s consuming the minds of teenagers, ministers, and people of all ages, sexes, and religious backgrounds. It’s destroying lives and marriages.
In the Philippines, a teenage boy approached me after a service, eyes filled with shame. “I’m struggling with lust,” he admitted. At a Gospel crusade, where thousands worshiped in freedom, a young man hid in the shadows behind our vans. He pleaded, “I am consumed by pornography. Pray for my freedom.”
In church meetings, a gentleman told me he had fallen prey to this disease of porn and masturbation, on average, once a week. In fact, many women struggle with this addiction just as much as men—they simply hide it better.
There Is Hope
This doesn’t have to be your story. Freedom is possible. This post is for those who have asked me to pray for them and for anyone struggling with this battle. Whether you’re a teenager, a pastor, or somewhere in between—there is hope for you. Over the years, ministers and men of God have overcome this struggle. Through their wisdom and experience, practical steps have been compiled to help you break free and step into the light.
Understanding the Root of the Addiction
First of all, sexual addiction of any kind is an intimacy disorder. What does that mean? It means you may have difficulty connecting with others intimately—on a heart-to-heart level. Isolation, fear of rejection, and avoidance of internal feelings are common symptoms. The root issue goes deeper than just boredom, loneliness, tiredness, or sexual desire. Those are surface-level triggers. There’s something deeper going on inside you. But for now, let’s focus on the solution to this pandemic.
The Good News: There Is a Solution
Even if a person watches porn only once a month, it’s still a problem. It’s time to kick the habit. It’s time for freedom. It’s what God created you for.
Many believe that reading the right book, watching a YouTube video, or praying the right prayer will bring instant freedom from lust. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Overcoming this takes time. Why? Because your brain has been rewired for instant gratification. It will take months, even years, to get into a healthy state again. It’s a day-by-day process, but there is sweet victory on the other side. Your future (or current) spouse will be grateful for it. Let’s deal with this now before entering a serious relationship. This journey isn’t meant to be walked alone.
Join a Group
There are groups that have helped thousands of men break free from unwanted sexual behavior. Groups are powerful because the individuals in them have the same goal: sexual purity. They are honest with each other about their thoughts, actions, fears, and desires.
Here are some good options:
7 Pillars through Pure Desire (faith-based, 10-month commitment with a workbook): Pure Desire
Mark Denison’s Zoom Groups (PhD-led, weekly meetings for both pastors and believers): There's Still Hope
Genesis Process by Michael Dye (for all addictions, focused on restoring trust): Genesis Process
Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) (similar to AA but for sex addiction, available in-person and via Zoom): SA and SA Zoom Meetings
Get a Sponsor
After getting established in a group, finding a sponsor—a mentor who is more experienced in guiding others toward purity—can be extremely helpful. Having a sponsor is crucial for maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Businesspeople have mentors, believers have spiritual fathers and mothers, and if you’re overcoming unwanted sexual behavior, you need a sponsor. You can find sponsors within the groups, especially in Sexaholics Anonymous.
Make Phone Calls
Regular phone calls are essential. Your biggest enemy and trigger point is isolation. The way to combat isolation is through phone calls—checking in with other men from the group, sharing your progress, feelings, and discussing deeper topics. Phone calls should last 5-7 minutes, or longer if needed. Many find it helpful to make calls while driving; it’s a productive use of time.
Build Connection
Connection is needed to combat isolation, but more than that, we are wired for relationships. Christianity itself is about a relationship with Jesus. While staying connected to Him, we also need real people to talk to. The best approach is a balance of both.
Overcome Resentments
Resentment is a huge reason why people escape into fantasy. It’s bitterness—an uncomfortable feeling triggered by past situations or people. When we hold onto negative thoughts or emotions, it weighs us down, leading us to cope in unhealthy ways, such as watching pornography. Then, shame follows, and the cycle begins again.
To break free, we must surrender our resentments to God. Simply put—forgive. If negative emotions arise when thinking about someone, pray for them with a heart full of love and mercy. Writing down the names of people we need to forgive and actively praying for them is a step toward healing. Resentment must go.
Be Honest
Honesty is crucial. Brutal honesty about what we’re going through, how we’re feeling, and why we do what we do is necessary for freedom. There’s no sobriety from porn without honesty. It’s easy to lie—to our friends, spouses, colleagues, family, ourselves, and even God. But truth prevails. Honesty is best practiced with a sponsor or within a group.
Affirm Yourself with God’s Word
A major challenge is the self-critic that tries to destroy what we build. A small mistake can lead to internal self-condemnation. This is dangerous. To counter it, we must encourage ourselves. Studies show that people need at least fourteen affirmations a day, yet we don’t always receive them from those around us.
The best way to build ourselves up? God’s Word. Here’s a resource to read daily about our identity in Christ: Who I Am in Christ by Neil Anderson. Consider putting it on your mirror and praying through it. We all need affirmation, and God desires to affirm us.
Have a Vision
Vision means having and setting goals in life. When I have new ideas and start imagining them in a healthy way, it excites me. What are you passionate about? Deep inside, we know what God created us for. Pursuing that purpose helps shift our focus from mistakes to our calling.
Develop a Strategy
“Or what king would go to war against another king without first sitting down with his counselors to discuss whether his army of 10,000 could defeat the 20,000 soldiers marching against him?” - Luke 14:31
Jesus Himself had a strategy and fulfilled it. Sitting down with a sponsor to create a purity strategy is an excellent idea. Writing down action steps, reviewing them, and having accountability makes success more likely.
A Final Word
There’s a misconception that marriage will end struggles with lust. A married man once told me, "I was with ministers who serve God—married men—and when a cute woman walked by, they all turned their heads to look at her. I didn’t know what to do: should I look at her with them or look away?" Even married men face challenges. Some pastors struggle with this as well. Who do they turn to for help?
Missionaries and ministers often feel isolated, believing there’s no one to turn to for help. But there is hope. Pure Desire offers dedicated groups for pastors, providing a safe space for healing and accountability. There’s Still Hope, led by Mark Denison, is another powerful resource. Both offering podcasts, recovery programs, and guidance tailored to ministers. These ministries have helped countless leaders break free from addiction. Don’t stay trapped in secrecy—there is a way out.
Many people have overcome this and are now living in freedom. By following these steps, you too can break free. Stay in recovery, seek accountability, and prepare for a healthy future relationship. Victory is possible. Let’s walk this journey together.
